When a seven year old girl came into my care, one thing quickly stood out. If she fell over or hurt herself, she would not cry. She would get up quietly and carry on. At first, she seemed very strong and independent for her age. But over time, it became clear that this was not strength , it was something deeper.
Children usually cry when they are hurt because they expect comfort. When a child cries and someone responds with care, they learn that their feelings matter. They learn that it is safe to show pain and that adults can be trusted to help. When a child does not receive that response, they may stop expressing their emotions altogether.
This little girl appeared to have learned that crying would not bring comfort. She had shut down her emotional responses as a way of protecting herself. She did not fully understand emotions or how to express them.
Our approach was gentle and patient. We began teaching her about feelings happy, sad, angry, scared, and hurt. We talked openly about emotions and showed her that all feelings are normal. When she fell or got hurt, we calmly acknowledged it by saying things like, “That must have hurt,” and offered reassurance. We showed her kindness without forcing her to react in any particular way.
Building trust was the most important part of the process. Emotional development takes time, especially when a child has learned not to rely on adults for comfort. Slowly, she began to understand that she was safe. She started to show small signs of emotion. Eventually, she allowed herself to cry when she was hurt.
Teaching her that it is okay to cry was not about encouraging weakness. It was about helping her understand that emotions are natural and healthy. It was about showing her that love means comfort, and that kindness means listening.
With patience and consistency, she began to recognise and express her feelings. She learned that her emotions mattered and that she would be supported when she showed them.
This experience highlights how important emotional care is in a child’s development. Some children need to be taught that it is safe to feel. With time, trust, and compassion, they can learn to open up and begin to heal.
Jayne Wood
Foster carer
About the author
With over 30 years of experience working with children and families, I have built a career dedicated to improving outcomes for vulnerable young people. I began my professional journey in children’s homes, gaining frontline experience supporting children with complex needs, before qualifying as a social worker within the children’s sector.
Alongside my professional role, I have also been a foster carer for the past 14 years. We chose to foster because we believe that every child should have access to the stability, encouragement, and opportunities our own children have experienced. Providing safe, nurturing environments where children can rebuild confidence and thrive continues to be central to both my professional and personal life.