In this latest blog Carolyn Moody MBE talks about her lifetime of experience as a foster carer and her transition to being a shared lives carer. This fascinating account gives a unique insight into these valuable roles.
Our experience as Kent Shared Lives carers has been a natural extension of our commitment to supporting our young care leavers. We started as foster carers, later caring for children with special needs, autism, and disabilities who couldn’t return home. As one of the young people in our care approached 18, we faced a big decision – what happens next?
“This young man wasn’t ready to live alone. ‘Staying Put’ was an option, allowing him to stay with us until 21, but given his disability, vulnerabilities, and emotional needs, we worried it wouldn’t provide the right level of support. No matter how much we had prepared him for adulthood, he needed to take this step gradually, at his own pace. He didn’t understand that adulthood meant new responsibilities, especially since, with autism, he was emotionally younger than his actual age."
Shared Lives—A New Path
Unlike foster care, Shared Lives isn’t as well known, yet it plays a vital role in supporting adults. Trained carers provide adults with the opportunity to live in a family environment, offering stability, relationships, and independence at a pace that suits them.
We knew this was the right path for us. Most importantly, it was his decision. After an assessment, we transitioned into Shared Lives while continuing to foster the other young people in our home.
A Shift in Role—Supporting, Not Deciding
At first, the transition felt unfamiliar. As foster carers, we still worked alongside social workers to make daily decisions for the other children we cared for. In Shared Lives, our role shifted to supporting his choices rather than making decisions for him.
This shift wasn’t always easy. After years of guiding young people, stepping back and allowing him to make his own decisions—even those we might have handled differently—was a challenge. But Shared Lives is about trusting their ability to learn from experiences, in a safe space and helping them reflect on their choices.
A Natural Progression
For our care leavers, turning 18 doesn’t automatically mean they’re ready for full independence. The expectations of adulthood can be overwhelming and scary. They need continued support and good strong relationships that enable them to achieve at their own pace. We believe this is essential for their well-being and future success.
As the other young people in our care reached 18, they too met the criteria and transitioned into Shared Lives. Eventually, we chose to focus entirely on Shared Lives, stopping fostering altogether. It felt like a natural progression—they had grown up in our home since childhood, and we wanted to continue providing the stability they needed to thrive as adults.
The Shared Lives Model—Fostering Independence
Shared Lives is about supporting adults to develop the life skills they need to live as independently as possible. It provides a safe and structured home environment for adults with learning disabilities, autism, physical disabilities, or other vulnerabilities. The goal is to build relationships, encourage independence, and provide ongoing emotional and practical support.
The Key Difference—Adults, Not Children
Supporting adults requires a shift in mindset. As foster carers, we were used to making daily decisions for children. In Shared Lives, we support adults by empowering them to achieve their goals, celebrating their success, and offering guidance as they take ownership of their decisions. It’s about providing support without taking control—helping them navigate choices while giving them the freedom to lead their own lives.
Adults have autonomy in making their own decisions, and they still have the support of a social worker from the adult team when needed. We don’t do this work alone—we have the backing of a Shared Lives worker and healthcare professionals. Knowing there’s a support system in place makes all the difference.
Focusing on Everyday Life Skills
We achieve independence together by supporting their individual needs, basic life skills— including self-advocacy, financial independence, home management, safety awareness, and managing responsibilities—all crucial. Simply stepping outside, making friends, attending community events, or taking public transport can feel overwhelming.
Relationships and lifestyle choices also matter. Adults have the freedom to form relationships and make personal decisions, just like anyone else. Our role is to guide them in having healthy relationships, making informed choices, that keep them safe and healthy, empowering them to live confidently and independently.
Progress can be slow, and that’s okay. What matters is encouraging small steps and celebrating each achievement.
“One young man wanted to travel independently after leaving college and starting a day service. First, we helped him get used to being in the community, setting small tasks that built his confidence. Taking a train alone was a huge challenge. We broke it down into steps: first, we travelled together, guiding him about personal safety. Then, we supported him part of the way. A year later, he did it completely alone—and the pride on his face was priceless.”
The Most Rewarding Part—Seeing Them Thrive
Since transitioning into Shared Lives, the progress these young adults have made has been incredible—many have achieved things they once thought impossible.
One young man is working towards passing his driving theory test. Another completed the Gold DofE Award—an amazing accomplishment. One started an apprenticeship and was awarded Apprentice of the Year. These are huge milestones—not just for them, but for us as carers. Watching their confidence grow, their skills develop, and their belief in themselves flourish makes this work so fulfilling.
Seeing them achieve goals—whether it’s managing money, making a phone call, or traveling alone—is incredibly rewarding. These moments make Shared Lives so special.
Changing Lives, Including Our Own
This journey has been life changing, not just for the young adults we support, but for us as well. Watching them thrive, gain independence, and achieve things they never thought possible is the greatest reward of all.
In Shared lives adults have the choice to stay or go, and are actively involved in all their care and decision making. Shared lives focus is on long term support, independence and personal choice for adults
If you’re thinking about how, you can make a difference, please consider Shared Lives. It truly changes lives—for them and for you.
To find out more about the medical assessment process check out our fostering medicals page: Fostering Medicals, Expert Medical Assessments for Foster Carers
About the author
Carolyn Moody MBE
Kent Shared Lives Carer
My husband, Derek, and I have been foster carers since 2002, dedicating our lives to providing stability, care, and support to children in foster care. In January 2022, we were both honoured with an MBE in recognition of our fostering work with Kent County Council.
In 2014, as a child became 18 we continued support through Shared lives, alongside fostering with the other two children until they both turned 18. In 2022 we gave up fostering to focus on the three young men we continue to support as Shared Lives carers.